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Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Ball!

The Rescue                                      (Hear the Character-spoken VOICE Post HERE )

Hi there!  Hi!

Heya!  Hey there!

Ho!  Hello!

How are you?  Hiya!

My name is Chloe.

You smell nice.

Did you bring me a ball?

Chloe Intro

I’ve been around for about 1½ years so far, which means by now I’ve already grown about as big as I’m going to get, probably.  But emotionally, I’m still just a little puppy at heart.

I’ve had a bit of a rough road in my short life up until my foster folks took me in, so I’m ready to settle down with a loving family who will take good care of me from now on.

You brought me a ball, right?

Of course, I bet I could stand to fill out another few pounds around the middle.

I’m sure treats would take care of that . . .  Yep, plenty of treats should do the trick.

I like treats.  I’m even willing to work for them.

I’ll Sit, I’ll Shake, give you a High Paw . . .  I bet you could even teach me a few more.

I like to learn new tricks . . .  it’s easy for me, and, I’m good at it.

(Especially if there’s a BALL involved!)

Say, is that a ball you’ve got there in your pocket?

Mind if I check your pockets, real quick?

MY Ball!

Oh, sorry, pardon my cold nose.

I really love the game of Fetch, too, because I love to run, and I love to get the ball . . .

I can’t always guarantee I’ll give it back, though!  (It’s MY Ball!)

I’ve been around other dogs at my foster family’s house . . .  they’re all right, I guess, as long as theyre nice.  They’re good for chasing after and being chased by.

Do you have a big back yard where I can run, like, a lot?  I like to run.  A lot.

Especially if you have a ball!

You DO have a ball, right?

Cats are okay, too, I suppose.  They’re kinda boring, though.  They don’t do much.  I try to chase them, but they just hide.  Sometimes they smack me, too.  That’s totally not cool!  Cats aren’t that much fun.

Not like my ball!  My ball is TONS of fun!


I guess I really don’t care whether or not I play with the other animals . . .  I can take it or leave it, I suppose.  I dont mind other animals, but they dont make much difference to me one way or another.  Id be happy to join you in a home with other pets.

I’d be just as delighted, though, if you happen to be the pet-monogamous type — that’d for sure be all right by me, too . . .  all the more attention, just for me!  I can take it, I promise!

Just give me a ball, and life is good.

Just give me the ball, and no one gets hurt!

My ball keeps me busy for hours.  Well, maybe not hours.  Wait, how long is an hour, anyway?  Sometimes, it doesnt entertain me anymore.  Sometime I wonder if my ball still likes me when it stops playing nice with me.  Cause, after a while, it starts to bounce less, and doesn’t roll as well . . .  it’s hard to play with it when it’s all chewed up and misshapen like that, and has all this slobbery wet stuff all over it . . .  where did that come from?


Say, do you happen to have another ball?  This one seems to be kinda broken . . .  it’s sorta shaped funny, now . . .  I dont remember it being this flat, before, or having this many holes in it.  And, wait, just how many pieces of a ball are there supposed to be, again, anyway?

I’m usually not much for chewing anything I’m not supposed to, but . . .

Oh, give me a ball, and, well, I just can’t resist . . .  they’re so —

Happy Fun Ball

Hey, a BALL!

Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!!

What can I say?  I’m only canine!

Good With

I won’t get the chance to be a mom myself, but I have a natural mama-ness for the littler two-legged critters . . .  theyre really nice to me, and fun.  They tug on my ears, and tail, and give me lots of hugs . . .  I follow them around to keep an eye on them to make sure they’re okay.  I like to cuddle up with them and sleep on their feet to keep them safe at night.

Everyone in my house should be safe.  I make sure to say so to anyone who goes by.  I tell them pretty loudly, just in case they don’t listen well, so they get that message right away.  Sometimes you two-leggers need to be told a few times.  But thats okay, I dont mind repeating myself.


Other than that, though, I’m usually pretty low-key and really mellow for a Boxer.

Lots of commotion can happen around me, and most of the time, I just keep to myself, chewing my rawhide bone, and ignoring all of it.  It usually doesnt have anything to do with me, doesnt change anything about my world any, and I’ve found it usually goes away on its own more often than not.

I know Im the low dog in the pack.  Im okay with that.  I like it there.  No worries, no hassles.  Just me and my ball, room to run, plenty of water, and lots of attention.  Thats all I need, really.

And, also, I’m really good at curling up close to make you warm.  I’m a regular Boxer blanket, sort of a biological boiler.  But, sometimes it takes me a while to settle in . . .   I figure if I stand over you, you’ll have more opportunities to pet me.

So, I’m just gonna stand on you now, okay?  Then you’ll have to pet me.

Go ahead.  Pet me.  I’ll wait.

     Still waiting.

          You’re not petting me.

Oh, what, I’m supposed to lay down?

Oh, okay, fine, be that way.

Guess I’ll just lay down here.  On your feet.


Occasionally, too, I hang out in my box.  I’ve got a pretty good idea when that is . . .  you’ve got your keys in your hand, putting your coat on, I get it.  But, if I happen to be playing with my ball, I might not notice, so, then you can just tell me, and I’ll go nicely.  Let me just grab my ball, quick, though, first.

I’ll just stay here and hang out with my ball to keep me company.  As long as I have my ball, I’m fine.

If I can’t get to my ball, I has a sad.

Stuck Ball

Also, I should tell you some of the rules.

It’s important that you understand a few basic principles.

Here’s how this stuff works.  I will sometimes bring you a ball.  Now, remember, this is MY Ball.  They’re ALL mine.  Even if they’re not mine, they’re still mine.  If it’s shaped like a ball, rolls like a ball, then it’s MINE.  So, if I should see fit to bring YOU a ball, then YOU’RE supposed to use it to play with ME . . .  that’s YOUR job.  I’ll give it to you, then sit down and wait.  You should toss it up for me to catch it.

If you don’t, I will paw at you until you do.  I will keep pawing at you until you do.  Im very patient that way.  I dont have anything else to do, and you dont seem that busy.  Playing with a ball always makes me happy.  Here, Ill share.  You can play with the ball with me, then youll be as happy as me.  We can be happy together.  You, me, and my ball.  As long as you understand, its MY ball.  Then you can play, too.

Okay, theres the ball.

Right there.

There, in your lap.  Right there, by my nose.

See that?  This, here, where my paw is, this ball.  Yes, that one.

No, dont pet my head right now.  Throw the ball!

This one.  This.  No, not on the floor!

There, I'll put it back in your lap for you.  Right there.

Right there.  There.

Im very patient.  I can do this all day.

Did I mention that?  It’s okay, Im not that busy.

I can keep pawing you.  Then youll see the ball.

That one.  Right there.

Sometimes, I will bring you a bigger item, something longer.  Now, this time, you’ll take that, and hold it.  I’ll hang onto the other end, and you pull.  Now, I’ll pull, and shake, but don’t let go.  That’s how it works.  This will be good for a while until I get bored, and then —

Hey, did someone say Ball?

I like attention.

Rub my belly, stroke my ears, bat at my cheeks, pull on my jowels . . .  it’s all good.

I know I look bigger than I really am . . .  I know I’m not that large, really.  I’m sure I can easily fit in your lap.

You’ll come to realize this too, I promise.  Just be still, youll be fine.

Don’t struggle so much, you make a lumpy pillow that way.

You can just pat me on the back, and tolerate my snoring like a lumberjack.  Youre okay.

And, oh, yeah, sorry about that puddle of water on the floor by my drinking dish.

Hey, YOU try lapping out of a bowl this little with a wet sponge this big always lolling over your gums.  My tongue will fit into my head ONE of these days, eventually, I think.  I’m sure I’ll grow into it it, soon . . .  Besides, there are so many uses for it . . .  but best of all, all the better to lick you with!

 . . . And lick, and lick,

               and lick, and lick, and lick,

                          and lick, and lick, and . . .


Oversized Tongue

Thank you!

(Bleah! — HUMAN germs!  Yuck!  How do I know where those fingers have been???)

So, anyway, as long as you understand how to give me what I need . . .

(Wait, where’s my Ball???!!)

. . . then I’m sure everything will work out just fine.

I rumble like a furnace when I’m sleepy, grunt like a pig when I’m content

(What, you wanted me to purr?  What do you take me for??  Who do you think I am???)

. . . and I know how to use these big watery brown eyes of mine.  You should just admit defeat right now.  You have no power greater than the puppy dog eyes.

Basically, I’m just a fuzzy, fun-loving, casual creampuff.  You know you cant resist me!

And, I promise I can be your best friend . . .

Happy Puppy

So Whadya say?

Needs -n- Notes

Take me HOME, Please???

LJ Idol | Season 9 • Week 23 - Topic: THE FICTION OF THE FIX
This post has been brought to you by an association with the online writing community forum, LJ Idol.
If you have enjoyed this entry, please feel free to speak your piece, share the love, and pass it on...
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( 40 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 3rd, 2014 12:54 am (UTC)
Now, remember, this is MY Ball. They’re ALL mine. Even if they’re not mine, they’re still mine. If it’s shaped like a ball, rolls like a ball, then it’s MINE.

I loved the whole ADHD tone to this, and the utter fixation on The Ball. ANY ball.

Even as a cat person, I wholly believe in this dog. :D
Oct. 3rd, 2014 06:08 am (UTC)
Chloe was most definitely an ADHD kinda dog. I always imagined that BALL! to her would have the equivalent of Squirrel! to any other dog. She really was THAT obsessed. It was the funniest thing, how patient she could be, once she put a ball in your lap, sitting, waiting for you to throw it. Boxers, bless their hearts, may be among the cutest, sweetest pups around, but, poor things... they're just really not that bright.

But don't worry, I haven't stopped being a cat person!

(Also, btw, thanks for popping in on your week off!)

Edited at 2014-10-07 01:26 am (UTC)
Oct. 3rd, 2014 12:55 am (UTC)
This is so sweet, I loved the tone.
Oct. 3rd, 2014 06:05 am (UTC)
Thanks! She was a great dog, we found her a good home. She seemed pretty well adjusted to her new life before we even got out the door.

Edited at 2014-10-03 06:05 am (UTC)
Oct. 3rd, 2014 09:14 am (UTC)
Ah. This is why I was confused, when you first spoke of her coming to stay with you but all the rest being about further adoption.

So you take dogs in for short periods as well, in addition to the ones that are - members of your family? How does it work?

I am asking because our Hera came from a similar situation, but she was very timid and lost at first, and it was obvious that she had never been homeless, all she ever head was a temporary roof over her head, where the hosts were paid to keep her for a while but did not love her.

As I understand it, there is a group of people who do it: find funds to pay for dogs to be kept in temporary homes, but the dogs get moved around regularly, so that they do not get attached yet. And it fucks them up, because when they are finally adopted they then believe they are going to be given to yet another family sooner or later. Hera did not believe it was not going to happen anymore for several years!
Oct. 4th, 2014 01:26 am (UTC)
I was doing dog fostering during the time when Chloe was in my life. A dog would come to an agency that we were associated with through some tragic means, usually because it had been abused, neglected or abandoned, and the agency would take the dog in, and find it a temporary foster such as ours to stay in until such time as we could find it a permanent home with a loving family... usually just a few weeks to a couple months or so.

I don't know how it works in Moscow, but here in the states, no one is paid to do this. It's all volunteer, and even the organization behind it is a non-profit company. Foster families give up their time, their care, their space, and cover the costs of food, medicine, toys, treats, hygiene, and any other care these animals need at their own expense, digging into their own pockets for the sake of caring for some furred or feathered stranger. This is no way to make money. No one is doing this who doesn't love animals.

And, because most of them come to us with troubled backgrounds, there is a vetting process through which every prospective new pet owner must go in order to be approved to have and maintain the pet, so that we know the pets we find homes for will never be in the situation we found them in again. In some respects, it's almost easier to adopt a child than it is to get one of our pets... you really do have to be the perfect match. We get to know the animal individually, so that we can accurately account for what it needs in order to give it the happiest, most fulfilled life possible.

For example, Chloe needed to go to a home with a large fenced back yard. I would not have allowed her to be given away to a family that lived in an apartment. Other dogs, maybe, but not Chloe. She loved to run, and needed constant exercise. Also, she could not go to a family that would not allow her on the furniture. She was accustomed to sleeping in beds with her owners (because we let her!), and I was not going to let her go to a home that would make her sleep on the floor after that.

People used to ask me sometimes — because they know what an animal lover I am — how I could foster, because they knew it would be hard to give up a pet once I had become attached to it. There's some truth to that... there were a couple that were really hard to let go of, Chloe being one... she was very very sweet, and very very special. But, our house was already full of pets, and keeping her would have meant that we would have had to give up that space in our home allotted for fostering animals that NEED good homes, which would mean that service would then come to an end, and that would be sad, because there are still so many animals out there who need love and a place to stay with people who want them to be part of the family.

I don't do fostering anymore. It was something I was happy to do for a while, because I was able to do a lot of good for a lot of animals who really needed it, but it does put a strain on the household after a bit. It just happened yesterday that I came across the "bio" I had written up about Chloe (the bits on the "tag" images) to help potential new owners considering her understand her better, and it inspired me to write this piece. It's been years since I've seen her, but she still had enough impact on me that I have not forgotten her.

I'm sorry your dog was insecure for so long. Sometimes that happens with animals who've had troubled pasts, but, in the case of fostering, here, if those issues are present, as they sometimes are, it's because of the circumstances they've come from — the history of their background before finding us, and NOT because someone like us was willing to love them well enough to feed them, heal their wounds and tend to their illnesses, give them a warm, safe place to sleep, train away their neurotic behaviors brought on by traumas through reassurance, patience, and tenderness, and share affection, kindness, and love, all while diligently working to put them together with the ONE family BEST suited to do ALL of that for them for the rest of their lives.

Edited at 2014-10-04 01:34 am (UTC)
Oct. 4th, 2014 01:19 pm (UTC)
I don't know how it works in Moscow, but here in the states, no one is paid to do this.

I do not know how it is usually organized, but the persons who were overseeing that particular fostering were volunteers while some of the families that housed the dogs were not, or at least not all the way: they may have offered their homes, but had food and veterinary expenses returned to them.

I love your approach. It is very very sensible, because the way we got Hera certainly was not that well organized. We just came to meet her one day, we liked her well enough and then we adopted her. It was just luck that it turned out that we suit each other very well: she does not ~need to run for hours and all three of us work full-time it would be very hard to find the time for long walks. She also loves to sleep on furniture and we allow her. Yet we did not know she needed it to feel secure, and we did not allow it for the first year or so, even though it was that which finally showed her that her situation was permanent.

I admire your approach. Having tags like that about Hera would have made the adjustment period much easier, and also helped us choose the pet that suited us and whom we also suited.

(I am afraid it was a lottery in our case: we used a small ad in the local paper about dogs looking for new homes. We did not even know it was a fostering initiative back then.)
Oct. 4th, 2014 01:34 am (UTC)
Many times, a service such as ours is all that stands between us and dogs like Chloe being "put down" because there wasn't someone willing to care for her properly, and there isn't enough room in the shelters. I would never have been okay with letting that happen. The reason these animals are called "rescues" is because that's exactly what we've done. We've saved them. Going from abuse, abandon, or neglect to a silent death in a cold facility is no way for any of God's creatures to have to get through this life, much less those with so much love to share, so much life to give. And, for dogs like Chloe, especially, but, even those that didn't touch my heart quite as tightly as she did, I'm happy that we were there to help, and glad that she had us to pave the way for a new life, a fulfilling, rewarding life, and one that would bring joy to everyone connected to it.

Edited at 2014-10-04 01:35 am (UTC)
Oct. 3rd, 2014 09:07 am (UTC)
This is awesome. I recognize my Hera here a lot. (And yes, Chloe needs to put one more weight, that was the first thing I thought when seeing the first picture.)

The doggy voice is spot on :D
Oct. 4th, 2014 12:57 am (UTC)
The picture is not actually Chloe. It's just a picture of a boxer I found online playing with a ball, who also happens to be very skinny. Chloe was actually an all-white boxer, though she had just a few small spots of gray on her back, near her haunches. Boxers, of course, do tend to run fairly thin, anyway, but when we got Chloe, she was a touch malnourished. I'm glad you liked the voice... I wouldn't try to suggest there should be one voice for every dog, but I got to know Chloe well enough to feel I could effectively speak for her. Glad you liked it!
Oct. 4th, 2014 01:06 pm (UTC)
Hera and Chloe do not have the same voices, but some things are very recognizable :)
Oct. 3rd, 2014 04:28 pm (UTC)
I am a sucker for all animals and animals who don't have humans to love them always make me cry so I loved this!!!!!!!
Oct. 4th, 2014 01:36 am (UTC)
I'm so glad you loved it. I do hope, though, that Chloe's story didn't make you cry... she does have a happy home now with a family that loves her as much as she loves everyone.

Edited at 2014-10-04 01:37 am (UTC)
Oct. 4th, 2014 03:48 am (UTC)
This is great being a dog lover I enjoy this story. I like how you sprinkle in facts about boxers here and there in the story. I have to go hug my dog now.
Oct. 4th, 2014 03:53 am (UTC)
Aw! That's so sweet! Give him a big hug for me, too. ;)

Edited at 2014-10-04 03:54 am (UTC)
Oct. 4th, 2014 04:06 pm (UTC)
Yay for fostering! And this was lovely and sweet.
Oct. 4th, 2014 11:13 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Glad you liked it.
Oct. 4th, 2014 04:08 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - straight from the boxer's mouth!
Oct. 4th, 2014 11:14 pm (UTC)
It was a silly idea, and a fun piece to write, glad you saw the humor in it! ;)
Oct. 4th, 2014 10:11 pm (UTC)
Aww, this was so sweet. And I was really pleased to learn that Chloe went to a good home.
Oct. 4th, 2014 11:15 pm (UTC)
Thanks! And, yes, she did, but, this way, I get to sort of memorialize her on some small level. She really was something special.
Oct. 5th, 2014 01:00 am (UTC)
This is fun, I'm especially amused by licking being on her 'likes' list three times. That seems to be shared by most boxers I've met.

Oct. 5th, 2014 05:45 pm (UTC)
She was so obsessed that the only way to stop her was to grab her tongue (which was pretty easy to do... it didn't fit into her mouth when she wasn't using it, so when she was mopping it all over you, it was kinda hard to miss. That would work for a brief while, until she forgot, and started up again. Luckily, she could also be easily distracted with a ball, so I'd just keep one handy and throw it whenever she became too much of a nuisance. (It's hard to work when you're hands are constantly being disturbed!) Boxers, bless their hearts... SOOOOO sweet... NOT that bright. But, oh, that silly little gal was special.
Oct. 5th, 2014 01:29 am (UTC)
You certainly did a good job of getting into Chloe's head. :)
Oct. 5th, 2014 05:51 pm (UTC)
I don't think we had her that long, but she was a pretty bright spot in my fostering days. She was a loveable bundle of goofy, brainless energy that completely altered the dynamic of the entire household. It was pretty easy to get into her head... there wasn't much there! It was all licking, pawing, water, running, and ball, BALL, BALL, BALL, BALL!
Oct. 5th, 2014 09:12 am (UTC)
Awww. :)
Oct. 5th, 2014 05:52 pm (UTC)
Oct. 5th, 2014 05:06 pm (UTC)
<lj user="therealljidol" title="LJ Idol"> IX - 23. Recommendations
User kehlen_crow referenced to your post from LJ Idol IX - 23. Recommendations saying: [...] : http://karmasoup.livejournal.com/41469.html [...]
Oct. 5th, 2014 08:01 pm (UTC)
Love the energetic, rambling, ADHD feel of this piece. It really shows off Chloe's personality.

If every homeless dog had a bio written this way, I don't think there'd be any homeless dogs. :)
Oct. 5th, 2014 08:10 pm (UTC)
Oh, that's sweet to of you to say, and thanks! I certainly did my best while I was fostering... I created little "brochures" with these "tags" on them, and cute related clip art pictures. It usually wasn't too much trouble getting them to the right family. It's amazing what a difference good marketing will make! And glad you liked the piece... Chloe was a fun, special gal. ;)
Oct. 5th, 2014 09:30 pm (UTC)
This was a lot of fun! Great job.
Oct. 6th, 2014 03:04 am (UTC)
Thanks very much! Glad you enjoyed it.

Edited at 2014-10-06 03:05 am (UTC)
Oct. 6th, 2014 04:44 am (UTC)
I'm sure every dog could use an advocate/advertisement like Chloe's! In fact, that would be a very popular youtube channel! People would tune in just to see the puppies and hear who is doing the voiceovers. Danny DeVito one week, Sally Kellerman the next. It would be a sensation, and probably get a lot of those pets adopted fast!

Oct. 6th, 2014 05:51 pm (UTC)
That's actually really not a bad idea. We've already got Sarah Maclachlan and Ve Neill and plenty of other celebs advocating for animal rights... why not have some sort of cooperative collective? Totally dig it! I always went to a bit of trouble to make sure that the animals I was fostering had the best chance, and as a result, used whatever marketing tools were at my disposal. Glad you enjoyed this!
Oct. 6th, 2014 05:56 pm (UTC)
Loved this! I'm pretty sure it's about my parent's pit bull, who is just around the same age and is all LICK LICK LICK MY BALL MY BALL!
Oct. 6th, 2014 08:39 pm (UTC)
Okay, I had to laugh, because, if you just glance at the last bit of your comment (since it's what stands out the most right away, being in all caps!), a few of those words together could give the wrong first impression, out of context! But, yeah, reading the rest of it, there's no big surprise that one might have a similar reaction to a pit bull... they're very similar in nature, pits and boxers, and, in fact, my very favorite kind of dog is a pit/boxer mix. Glad you enjoyed this, and thanks for making me laugh!
Oct. 6th, 2014 08:33 pm (UTC)
so she likes her ball, huh? :D this is really, really adorable and has a great dog voice.

Edited at 2014-10-06 08:34 pm (UTC)
Oct. 6th, 2014 08:42 pm (UTC)
This comment made me giggle! Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.
Oct. 6th, 2014 09:36 pm (UTC)
Aww, so cute!
Oct. 7th, 2014 01:28 am (UTC)
Thanks very much! Glad you enjoyed it!
( 40 comments — Leave a comment )


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