No Strings Attached
In the course of touring around the internet for more years than I’ll readily admit to, I eventually became thoroughly put off posting personals in anything considered a “casual encounters" section.
Have you ever actually checked out any of these ads? Nearly every one with a pic is of some guy's cock, and, titles that include words and phrases like “discreet” / NSA / "fun,” or “horny” / “action” / “hook up,” outweigh everything else you might find, often appearing in combination with “TONIGHT” or even “NOW!” I‘ve come to realize, people who post in that section mean something entirely different by “casual” than I do... it would seem that there, “casual” gets interpreted as IMMEDIATE, and, not necessarily responsible.
I had the thought at one point some time back that I really would like something sort-of casual, in that, I'm never really in any kind of hurry for a hardcore serious long term committed relationship that would lead to any interactions which might require a paper trail of official documentation, or even picking out curtains, but, it’s still important to me to have intimacy without the "legitimacy" that tends to sometimes need to go along with all of that. For me, though, I've had plenty of boy-toys and play-pets in the past, but then I grew up and outgrew the stage of only looking for that level of loosely defined, either. I'd really prefer to have a somewhat semi-regular schedule of sensual and sexual encounters with people I can relate to on a personal level. Terms like Friends-with-Benefits and "F#ck-Buddy" seem so overused that they've lost their credibility, but, ideally, if we focus on the "Friend" and the "Buddy" as much as the "Benefit" and the "F#ck"ing, then, we’re on the way down the road to something reasonable that allows us to breathe, but still enjoy each other.
And though I admit I'm not in a super RIGHT NOW kinda hurry, at the same time I really don't wanna take weeks to make something happen, either, so, there’s a natural process through which, ideally, we could figure out between us how this might work:
Step 1. – Initiate Introduction
You send me an email that tells me a little about who you are and how or why the concept of a sex positive personal synergy which includes an element of human connection could fit in pretty naturally with your life as it is now. (Preferably, this would be a brief synopsis of your interest that should encompass more than 3-5 words, and amount to more than "Liked your ad. Let's f#@k.")
Step 2. – Evaluate Chemistry
We exchange pics. Truthfully, personally, I am more interested in your personality than your looks, as, I understand that if you were Brad Pitt, you probably wouldn't be looking to meet girls here, and, if you're not Brad Pitt, and you are looking to meet girls in this venue, then you shouldn’t be expecting to find Angelina Jolie. Tall, thin, and blonde, I am not, nor must you be. (That being said, while I'm not about to win any beauty contests, I'm also not at all the least bit difficult to look at, i.e., if your buddy were setting us up on a blind date, he wouldn't have to emphasize my "personality;" however, if he were being honest, and he's a red-blooded American male, he'd also most likely have to admit that he probably didn't notice what color my eyes are the first time we met.)
Step 3. – Make Contact
We share connection information, and email or chat back & forth enough to gain an interest in one another. (IM is the better choice, because it gives more immediate feedback.) At this point, we're learning a bit about one another's perspectives on life, relationships, hobbies, tastes, etc.
Step 4. – Open Communication
We talk on the phone. This is important so that you know and I know that you and I are both real, genuine, and serious, and that we are able to converse naturally in an environment that doesn't require a keyboard. (This would prevent us both from having to gawk awkwardly at each other in a public setting until we could make some excuse to bolt if such were not the case.)
Step 5. – Get Together
We set up a date to meet for dinner and drinks, and talk about whatever comes up. If there's organic chemistry, and we genuinely like each other, we'll want to see each other again. We'll go with the flow on that one, and decide the next step based on how it fits in with both our natural reactions to one another as well as our respective schedules to either set up something else another time, move forward from there right away, or just thank each other for the nice evening and wish each other luck.
Step 6. – Lather, Rinse
Either then or some other night, you'll come back to my place and we'll cuddle on the couch & watch bad TV, then retire to my room, where we'll figure out how to push each other's buttons, maybe we'll spend a better portion of the night wrapped around each other before saying goodbye in the wee of the morning, or, if we’ve really worn each other out, perhaps at dawn.
Step 7. – Repeat
It won't bother you that I live with a man I'm close to, or that I'm dating a handful of others. It won't bother me that you have no interest in being exclusive, and don't want something that consumes a lot of your time or energy, nor should you want to smother me. If you're married or have a girlfriend, that's okay too, as long as I'm not a secret from her, and she and I can respect each other. We'll get together once a week or so, or maybe 2-3 times a month, sometimes we'll do interesting fun things we both like and have in common outside the house, but, we'll often end up in my bedroom (you're not allergic to animals), or yours, if you'd rather. We'll enjoy each other's company well enough to occasionally want to spend time with one another outside our routine schedule, and, to hang out with some of my friends, maybe even some of the people I'm involved with, and vice versa, to do fun social activities, but, those things just come up on their own, not with either of us pushing for them or feeling threatened by them, and, sometimes they work out, sometimes, we take a raincheck. But, when we part, we look forward to getting back to our own lives, until we look forward to seeing each other again.
I have no ball on the end of a chain with which to shackle you. I won’t try to keep you on a short & tight leash, or even a long & loose one. I won’t tie you down (though if you’re interested, I might could possibly be induced to tie you up,). And while some could kinda say I’m looking for No Strings Attached because I don’t have a wagon I’m wanting to hitch up to, I guess if you think of being able to speak to each other as people outside of the bedroom as a string, then maybe I’m just looking for a few thin threads.
LJ Idol | Season 8 • Week 2 - Topic: THREE LITTLE WORDS
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