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Where There’s Smoke...

Carnavalé de Inferno

Aloha, combustion junkies & other assorted cheeky monkeys!

It’s that special time of year again, as many of you may know, when there’s a natal anniversary for practically half the folks we all love the most.

Yes, there's no denying it, we Aries ARE Masters of the Universe...

Cope.   (Trust us, life will be so much easier for you mere mortals once you just accept that we're always right.)

Spring has sprung, recoiled and snapped again (though it may yet take a good hard spanking to get it to pounce), the hobbits have dusted off their snow-sodden feet, the hippies have suckled at the breast of mother earth (whose milk we were only too happy to sour just enough to incapacitate them all into a drunken stupor – after all, who needs them underfoot, anyway?)…

…and there is a rumbling of giants at the core of a darker nature.

Yes, the FIRE GODS have awakened.

       The time has come for ritual sacrifice.

              The moment is here.  The hour is now...

It’s time to CELEBRATE!!!

Now that a few months have passed us over since our latest shindig (it only took a dozen moons or so for the full effects of the last one to wear off), we've finally caught our breath (those quick little buggers can really fly when they’re that oil-slicked), gathered our heads (collecting all those missing bolts was an arduous task), and we are ready once again for another round.

Join us, and surrender your dignity to the volcanic mountain!  (Yes, of course, we know there's no erupting islands in any of our 10,000 lakes, but, if we know our pyromanic clan –and you can rest assured that we do, at least, a little bit, anyway, or we pretend to, at any rate, for the ease and convenience of proper social graces– you just never know what might show up on our patio this crazy night!)

Our annual
Minnetonka back yard bash is fastly approaching (some might even say upcoming, or perhaps coming up, maybe even in some cases coming out, but, then – aren't we always?), which, of course, begs the question... can we really fit 400 of you nutjobs onto our terrace?  One of these years if more than half try it all at once, perhaps you may yet actually push us to the limits, but so far only slightly better than 150 have tested the theory… and there’s still plenty room for more.   So, until we get close to pushing the limits, we'll just keep upping the ante.  (And, hey, if push comes to shove and we need to fold a few of you in half, don’t worry, we know how to make that happen.)

If you haven't already got your invitation, or if for some reason you’re not cool enough to have already been to our house, learn to practice ZEN NAVIGATION.  (Go to the area and follow folks who look like they know where they're going.)

Bring your blacks & blues, your reds & golds, your licking flames (not to mention your flaming licks), your hula skirts and coconuts, or, hey, if it’s your birthday, just come in your birthday suit.

For a snapshot of what to expect from this crazy mix-matched cross-bred gaggle of our eclectic, rowdy folks...

LOTS of us are:
Ø Intellectual  (if you had to look that word up, trust us, this group is not NOT for you.
   We have a hefty population of MENSA members, NASA employees, and all the hubris and arrogance you would expect from both.)

Ø Liberal-ish  (don't get all excited and start picking at that one with a fine-tooth comb...
   we're not treehuggers or lefists... we're just not likely to tell anyone else how they should be living)

Ø Geeky-lite   (all right, some are a little more hardcore than others)

Ø Non-smokers / Responsible drinkers  (Wearing a T-shirt that says, "In Dog Beers, I've Only Had One" is responsible advertising, right?)

Ø NOT for the faint-of-heart or socially repressed   (ask any one of us to prove it at your own risk)

Ø Tasty  (though, some might argue, that's perhaps a matter of taste)

At least a FEW of us are:
Ø Gypsies & tramps   (the thieves had to stay home... they have to get up early for a court date in the morning)

Ø Bawdy, obnoxious, & generally downright crude   (BUT, we do clean up good in public – it's in private that we get really dirty)

Ø Of sound mind & judgment   (MOST of the night... but we'll promise to play nice... MOST of the night)

and ONE or TWO of us are:
Ø Really NERDS masquerading in disguise as geeks   (Okay. You're right. It's the whole frakken lot of us. Shaddup. You know you still want to hang with us.)

Ø Out to get you   (Don't say we didn't warn you)

Ø Likely to test the theory of gravity at some point in the event

Ø Being auctioned off to the highest bidder

Ø T - R - O - U - B - L - E  
(Last year, a Mythbusters enthusiast took upon himself the labor of reenacting the infamous flaming flatus demonstration)

Some things there WILL be:
Ø Burning meat and veggies   (and wood and old furniture and exploding bottles, and, hey, just what else can we throw in that thing, anyway?)

Ø Plenty of other stuff to intoxi-*hic!, inebri-*hic!, oh, you know... imbibe   (That is to say, not just a few alcoholic beverages, or just a few alcoholics, for that matter)

Ø Fire spinning

Ø Contact Juggling

Ø Stupid human tricks

Ø Slightly drunk feats of magic   (Naturally, that is likely to become sodden attempts at parlor tricks as the night wears on)

Ø Really bad jokes and mind-numbing puns  (As in, if you have any sense of what is considered poor taste,
      set your reception meter to classless, generally sad humor all around,
ot to mention some along the realms of the dark & twisted, and even macabre)

Ø Lots & LOTS of SHAMELESS flirting   (Watch out for the Manic Vampyre.... yes, he DOES Bite!)

Some things there MAY be:
Ø Clever banter   (This is a matter of perspective, of course, or, possibly, simply a matter of time –
   Arrive early for lighthearted, easygoing exchange, stick around longer for inane babble,
   or stay the night for incoherent gibberish – we're sure to have any flavor, whatever your pleasure)

Ø Tall tales   (Mostly from short people)

Ø Stupid pet tricks   (Depends on how cooperative the 2 macaws feel around that much company, but you can assume
   the 4 cats will hide, the 250 pounds of dogs will be attempting to make new friends with anyone offering belly rubs or food,
   that if you have allergies, you will go home feeling a bit like a pufferfish,
   and if you have phobias, you should probably sit this one out)

Ø Pink Elephants on Parade

Ø Acoustic guitar jam   (The strings & finger cymbals come out when it gets too late for the drums)

Some things there SHOULD be:
Ø Belly dancing   (Ever wondered what parts jiggle best in a corset?)

Ø Drum jam & dijeridu   (We're in a fairly secluded area, but not always quite secluded enough...
   apparently, more than a dozen doumbeks, djembes, tablas and bongos
   CAN be heard more then two miles away even WITH the windows rolled up –
   Much as MPD hated to inform us!)

Ø Special moments we won't talk about or plan for before, but are sure to greatly embellish later

As we're both born & raised in the South, we can relate to the social conditioning that you can't enter a home empty-handed, so, feel free to bring something to share.  (Items listed are some suggestions if you need help coming up with ideas, but certainly not requirements.)

What to bring:
Ø Something to Burn   (Nothing that will have the black helicopters circling our house in the morning)

Ø Something to Eat   (Most any stage of prep works, but if you need the kitchen,
   you should probably be a pygmie, and everyone knows that offerings of incendiary food on this night
   are the quickest and easiest way to placate the dieties of the blaze)

Ø Something to Drink   (Anything you can't live without)

Ø Something to Sit on   (Objects along the lines of lawn chairs, stools, and beanbags are generally preferable to each other,
   but, if you find a willing participant, we certainly wouldn’t hold it against you.
   Of course, doesn’t that bring up a completely different set of complications with the concept that
   if you move your feet, you lose your seat?  Well… you work it out amongst yourselves, we won't judge.)

Ø Something to Play   (Or, if you're so inclined, something to play with – or perhaps even someone)

Can You Take The Heat?
q   Holy crap! I just yanked my arm out of its socket trying to get you to pick me first! OMG, what the heck am I gonna wear???
q   Are you kidding? I’m still hungover from last year.  But, I DID just buy a new staff I’ve been dying to check out... aw, heck, you know me, I’m a lifer.  Still got that spare room?  I'll be there til Tuesday.
q   Oh, darnit I’m totally not sure yet, Buffy... how many COOL kids are going to be there?
q   Shucks! I’d love to, but I’m going to be stuck under a rock that night!
q   You people frighten me! I'm going to back slowly out of the room, and pretend this never happened.

We'll check our egos, religion & politics at the door, let our hair down, shed our inhibitions, entertain each other, and just enjoy one another, until the wee hours the next evolutiuon when it's time for us to kick all your lazy asses out and send you back to your own homes.  I mean, really, people, get a life already, will ya?

See ya next year...

       same time, same place...

          we'll keep the embers glowing.

LJ Idol | Season 8 • Week 24 - Topic: IN YOUR WHEELHOUSE
This post has been brought to you by an association with the online writing community forum, LJ Idol.
If you have enjoyed this entry, please feel free to speak your piece,
share the love, and pass it on...
                                                                                                ...and thanks for stopping by.


( 29 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 24th, 2012 11:50 am (UTC)

This was a delightful read. The tone is hilarious, and oh dear god everything you said here is TRUE.
Apr. 24th, 2012 04:28 pm (UTC)
It's truer than you know. This is an actual event that happens once a year (twice, actually, but, not to this scale) at the house I share with Homebuddy. I started by taking an actual invitation I sent out about 4 years ago, took out all the private information, all the irrelevant and boring detail-specific stuff that doesn't matter except at the time, and added all the "flair" that you described as tone. I wanted a different way to present this party without just writing a post about it. This way, I can create a cute and fun impression of the zoo that is our lives. I had intended to make that bottom part an actual poll that people could respond to (just for fun, obviously... I'm not really inviting all of the LJ Idol Community to my house), but, I failed miserably in that, and even managed to break my post. So, glad you liked it, and, thanks for reading, especially for going to the extra trouble of finding me after I unintentionally kamikazed myself out of the vote.

Edited at 2012-04-24 04:28 pm (UTC)
Apr. 24th, 2012 03:44 pm (UTC)
How creative to take on your astrological sign. Very funny and FUN!
Apr. 24th, 2012 04:08 pm (UTC)
Thanks... it's not really me taking on my sign, it's that I happen to know a ton of Aries (apparently, we tend to flock together), and we really do throw this party every year. I send out an invitation similar to this (without all the embellishments) to about 400+ people, and we really are a bunch of circus freaks. When the topic of "In Your Wheelhouse" came up, I thought about what I'm best known for, and I realized, thowing parties that reach legendary status is how a lof of folks in these parts have heard of me. But I'm glad you enjoyed me getting a bit goofier with it than I normally do. And thanks for reading!

Edited at 2012-04-24 04:29 pm (UTC)
Apr. 24th, 2012 06:25 pm (UTC)
Thank you for the extra explanation. it was a great idea for you to write on whther it was really your own horoscope or not!
Apr. 25th, 2012 12:32 am (UTC)
I wish we were really invited to this party! It sounds awesome.
Apr. 25th, 2012 12:41 am (UTC)
It wouldn't have been entirely out of the realm of possibility. At least three different Idolers thought they were going to be in our neck of the woods around this time, but then their travel plans changed and it didn't happen. Most anyone who'd be willing to travel would be welcome, though. I've been sort of thinking how cool it might be to plan a "LJ Idol Reunion" in 2014. Probably wouldn't be quite as wild as this bash, but I bet there'd be a lot of crossover activities. But, really, planning cool ways to bring awesome people together has always been one of my strong suits. Glad the idea appeals to you, and thanks for reading!
Apr. 25th, 2012 04:40 am (UTC)
Refreshingly different from all the other entries I have read so far:)

I'm glad you found a way to make it work after it was locked or whatever.

Sounds like a great party. We should have one like this for Idol, maybe next season since it is supposedly ending (I don't want it to end!)
Apr. 25th, 2012 09:08 pm (UTC)
I strive to be different, so, thanks! I actually didn't find a way to make it work... the whole post got deleted. I was lucky I have a practice of backing up to Word, though, so I was able to start all over from the backup to a whole new post, but as it turns out, pasting from word is very messy, tedious, and not as accurate. LJ's glitches are a pain sometimes. Glad you found me, though, and thanks for reading!
Apr. 25th, 2012 07:31 am (UTC)
Sounds like fun! ;)
Apr. 25th, 2012 09:13 pm (UTC)
Oh, it's a blast, though, there were times when it was tedious for the host... running around all the time making sure that people could get past the folks waiting in line for the bathroom, making sure the flow of traffic areas were clear, having the guitarists move the noise outside, making sure people knew where to put their coats and to sign the guest book... I figured out fairly quickly (after the first year) to hire that stuff out, clean the whole house spotless the week BEFORE and then just maintain, so that on the day of, I could be feeling no pain by the time guests started to arrive. It's always funny to me when people say how much fun they have... I tend to think I don't really do all that much special... it's not like the food is catered, or the entertainment is paid for... I think it's just the eclectic group of folks I bring together who might not otherwise have the opportunity to encounter one another, and the environment I provide where everyone is naturally at ease. I don't know how I do that, but, people seem to like it, so, we all have a good time. Until about 5am, when I start chasing everyone with a broom. Thanks for finding and reading me this week!

Edited at 2012-04-25 09:16 pm (UTC)
Apr. 25th, 2012 11:50 am (UTC)
loved this,so funny I had been toying with the idea of a sort of 'invite to my wheelhouse entry'. With a list of items to tick off, so very similar!
Example, do you like animals? could you eat cake for breakfast?etc.

Nearly went with it.
Think your parties would be awesome, one day will do a post about parties...

Apr. 25th, 2012 09:15 pm (UTC)
Oh, now, see, if you're another hostess with the mostest, I KNEW there was a reason I thought you were my type of gal! That means I can put you on my short list of "when I grow up, I wanna be like" 's. Thanks for reading (glad you found me!).
Apr. 26th, 2012 12:46 am (UTC)
Wow - this sounds like a FANTASTIC party!! And that being a hostess is definitely in your wheelhouse :)
Apr. 26th, 2012 02:26 am (UTC)
It is awesome, in fact, this party would be right in your wheelhouse, actually... Illuminations usually stops by after whatever gig they're working (it's a weekend, so they're generally booked). It makes for a great finale to the amateur fireplay. In the mid August reprise (a much smaller version of the same gathering, as it's the weekend before MRF kicks off), we often have quite a few Fandazzis, since most of them are already in town by then anyway. But yeah, connecting people of every culture and walk of life has always been second nature to me. There's often more than one or to whip artists (including one fire whip), though I'm sure nothing to your caliber, but, I bet in that environment, you'd be hard pressed to sit still, and probably make more than one or two friends worth stopping back to visit from time to time. Thanks for dropping in!
Apr. 26th, 2012 04:03 am (UTC)
Oh man, I want to make my reservations now.

Can I be auctioned off? :P
Apr. 26th, 2012 11:26 pm (UTC)
Oh, you were already on the block... the bidding starts at two bits, and anyone who gets you gets to have their way with you for the entire weekend. (And you love it!)
Apr. 26th, 2012 04:27 am (UTC)
I just hope y'all don't mind if a Sag crashes 'cause this sounds like a blowout.
Apr. 26th, 2012 09:31 pm (UTC)
Bring on more FIRE, baby! Rams, Lions, AND the Archers are all the Honored Guests for this lollapalooza — Great to have you!
Apr. 26th, 2012 05:07 am (UTC)
We have a hefty population of MENSA members, NASA employees, and all the hubris and arrogance you would expect from both.)
Hahaha! If only it weren't so true...

after all, who needs them underfoot, anyway?
Subduing the 'dirty hippies'! Is this a nod to Gary?

This sounds like a lot of crazy for Minnesota, but if Zen Navigation works (never heard of that before!), even the locals must be headed there!

Perfect fit for the prompt-- your "wheelhouse reality" is already very different from the run-of-the-mill. :)
Apr. 26th, 2012 11:35 pm (UTC)
Ahehehehe.... no, subduing the hippie is not a nod to Gary... this event has been going on long before we knew him, and, while the nature of this event does sort of tend to attract folks from the hippie culture, we're fine with people from all walks of life, so long as everyone is on their best behavior, which means no instigating impossible arguments, and no illegal substances. (This sort of leaves several "hippie types" off the guest list) We do get a lot of walk in traffic, which is why I eventually started bringing in a doorman, so that we could verify that everyone attempting to get in actually knows someone already there, and is of legal age. My whole life is different than run of the mill, though, conveniently, I blend in with run of the mill fairly easily. This has a lot of advantages at times. Thanks for peeking in.
Apr. 26th, 2012 01:25 pm (UTC)
I am such a wimp... aw, shucks, I'd love to, but I have to wash my hair ;)
Apr. 26th, 2012 11:27 pm (UTC)
Apr. 26th, 2012 10:46 pm (UTC)
Very creative!
Apr. 26th, 2012 11:27 pm (UTC)
Apr. 26th, 2012 11:15 pm (UTC)
Sounds like fun! Maybe someday I'll be cool enough...a big MAYBE!
Apr. 26th, 2012 11:24 pm (UTC)
You'd be cool enough this weekend, but, sadly, it's a long trek from Mass. Thanks for stopping be here, at least, though!
Apr. 27th, 2012 01:06 am (UTC)
I tried clicking on your post from the poll over and over and over... I wasn't sure what was going on. I never went back to read Gary's little intro until recently. Oops. I'm glad I did! Enjoyable post :)
Apr. 27th, 2012 01:22 am (UTC)
Heheheh... that's kind of amusing! Glad you made it eventually, and glad you enjoyed it!
( 29 comments — Leave a comment )


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